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Thursday, 31 March 2016

Camp writing eportfolio

WDescription: we have to choose a story for a eportfolio sample I chose this one from camp. I chose this one because it's about haunted rooms. 

"2 minutes reading only". "What!!" "Okay 0 minutes". "What!""okay 0 minutes" "what!" "bye". Click,"aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! a flame". "Go,to,sleep". I reached out to touch the flame... whew its only a shadow, of what, a chill ran up my spine, the closest tree was a long way away. My heart raced around the nerves screaming a ghost flame, a, ghost, flame. Then it appeared something glistening, a dot. I collapsed, I was knocked out, terrified cold, nothing would ever wake me, ever. There were explanations but they don't make sense take the one about the dot for example: there are printed dots on the curtains, but the dot would be black??

Feedback feedforward:I think u did good with detail but I think u should do more writing in your Description:trey

Evaluation: I think I did good in the writing next time I will follow treys advice. 

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2 comments:

  1. I can see you have used some interesting writers strategies like repetition, personal voice and descriptive language. It would be great if you elaborated your stories and wrote more to develop more suspense and clarity for your reader. Well done. Keep developing your writing skills Toby.

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  2. Toby the voice and style you have used in your writing is captivating for the reader. You demonstrate great use of these advanced skills. I agree with Dad and if you added a bit more 'oompf' to your ideas, your stories will be next level. Looking forward to your next one.

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