Camp writing edited

Description: we have to choose a story for an eportfolio sample. I chose this one from camp. I chose this one because it's about haunted rooms that have flames in them. This story really happened late on Wednesday night in the Oregon 7 cabin. 

"2 minutes reading only,” said the parent. "What!!" I moaned. "Okay 0 minutes," the parent says engaging in an argument. "What!” I shouted engaging immediately. "Bye," the parent said turning off the light.

Click. "Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! a flame," I said quietly. "Go, to, sleep" someone whispered across the blackness. 

I reached out to touch the flame... whew it's only a shadow. Of what? A chill ran up my spine, the closest tree was a long way away. 

My heart raced in my chest. My nerves screaming, a ghost flame, a, ghost, flame. Then it appeared. Something glistening, a white dot. I collapsed. I was knocked out, terrified, cold. Nothing would ever wake me, ever... 

There were explanations but they don't make sense. Take the one about the dot for example: there are printed dots on the curtains, but these dots would be black??

Some other cabins had funny things happen in them but nothing like cabin 10s sleep walker Louis, he danced the chicken dance then tried to play soccer. Camp can be creepy, scary or very fun. But make sure you don't have a haunted room. 

Feedback feedforward:I think u did good with detail but I think u should do more writing in your Description:trey

Evaluation: I think I did good in the writing next time I will follow treys advice. 

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Camp writing eportfolio

WDescription: we have to choose a story for a eportfolio sample I chose this one from camp. I chose this one because it's about haunted rooms. 

"2 minutes reading only". "What!!" "Okay 0 minutes". "What!""okay 0 minutes" "what!" "bye". Click,"aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! a flame". "Go,to,sleep". I reached out to touch the flame... whew its only a shadow, of what, a chill ran up my spine, the closest tree was a long way away. My heart raced around the nerves screaming a ghost flame, a, ghost, flame. Then it appeared something glistening, a dot. I collapsed, I was knocked out, terrified cold, nothing would ever wake me, ever. There were explanations but they don't make sense take the one about the dot for example: there are printed dots on the curtains, but the dot would be black??

Feedback feedforward:I think u did good with detail but I think u should do more writing in your Description:trey

Evaluation: I think I did good in the writing next time I will follow treys advice. 

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Camp eportfolio post

Description: We had a really long trip on Tuesday. We had to go to El Rancho camp in Waikanae.
A 6:30am wake up. An 8:30am depart... It would be long and I would definitely meet my enemy, TRAVEL SICKNESS. A couple of minutes later, ah vomiting. When we got there all the boys had to do a discover El Rancho course and sort our cabins.
Finally our first activity, the pool. The other activities include the: waterslide, archery, rifles, and mini golf.
The millions of other things were fun but not as fun as the rafting: a piece of wood, milk bottles and lots of string, simplicity! We had a challenge to see if the boys could beat the girls. We had to make up a raft. The girls capsized theres. Then they lost heaps of milk bottle caps causing it to then sink, just like Titanic. We had to pick up bottle caps from everywhere.

Feedback/feed forward: I like how in the comments you were honest about everything but maybe you could add a bit more writing so we know a bit more about your day. Houston

Whakapapa

When everyone goes to kapa Haka some of us go to E.T. Reo with Elly and Troy. We have been making family trees/whakapapa. I chose to make mine on sheets. The main learning was to know the Māori names for: mum dad grandma and grandad. I found this challenging because it's hard to spell the words. 

Nice work maybe next time don't make the pitchers so big.

I like the colours and how you did it is great. Bella

One word eportfolio sample

Description: We have been creating one word art. I chose learning as my word because last year I didn't do enough. This year it's not happening. Step 1 get a word. Step 2 make a draft. Step 3 measure. Step 4 check with a teacher. Step 5 make the final version. Step 6 glue it on. Final product : 

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Feedback: I think you did well with your letters because it looks creative  

Feedfordward: You should of done your sign a bit smaller

Thanks for the feed back Houston. 

Evaluation: It was hard to get the right size. It was easy to get a good block letter. Next time I'll see if I can follow the feed back. 

Listening post

Description: Hi today we have been making videos about listening. We chose busy listening and active listening. Busy listening is when you multitask, like listening to a story and taking your shoes of at the same time. 

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Big idea: The learning behind this was to create a video about two types of listening. Everyone has a group but some people didn't listen and formed the wrong types of groups! 

Feedback/Feedforward: I think that it is good that you where clear and you had active listening and busy listening across the whole screen and it was there for the whole time. I think you should make sure next time you get the whole group in the video so it make it looks like someone else in the video.jake

Evaluation: The video was quick and easy but it was hard to get the post right. I learnt that thirty seconds is hard to fit a video in because it's a short time. Next time I'll try to follow jake's feedback. 

Treaty of waitangi eportfolio

The Description: In Poutama we are making a post for Waitangi Day. My group has been using Minecraft to recreate William Hobsons landing. We did not have to build a marae because jack had one already.

Big idea: I learnt that that the treaty has faults and they are the differences of governance and sovereignty. The teachers had set us the task of making something about the treaty. My group was aiming for a multi stage. What do you think we got?

Feedback/Feedforward:I think you did good on your post and you have done a good description. I think you could put a video or something to show what you now about Waitangi Day  .jake 

Evaluation: I found that it was challenging to get the build finished in time because the ship had to be ready in three weeks. I did not have Minecraft so my iPad was for research on the Waitangi treaty.